rainbow after 12 hours of working

Birthday. Christmas. New Year

though I celebrated my birthday, Christmas and New year far away from home, and alone, it didn't turn out as bad as i thought. it was quite fun instead. 

i got a - bit - late - tiramisu cake for my birthday from friends at my workplace and honestly, they made me run into tears :)

at the end of December, i moved to a temporary house along with all girls. the house was small yet beautiful with pine forest at the backyard, completely kind of house that i wanna buy once i have the money. despite of the fact that the distance from the house to my workplace was quite far, meant i had to wake up way earlier than before, but i did enjoy the house and everything. 

few days before new year's eve, i went back to the Camp. it was good since i started to miss my messy room there. 

i didn't do anything special on new year's eve. well, i went to a cafe with some friends but we just sat there, enjoying the drink we ordered and did nothing, really. 

 well, everybody seems having resolutions for 2012 so i will try to create mine though i never did even once in my life.
i hope this year, i will be able to travel to places that i always dream on, able to help people, and able to perform better at work.
ah....one more, i want more tattoos on my body.
what else? hhmmm... i'm running out of wishes :p
anyway, i just wanna be a better me. in every single way.
so Merry Christmas and Happy New Year fellas. hope this year brings along happiness and success for y'all.


KEEP DREAMING and CHEERS!!

own your own heart, or the devil will

pointing your finger at others

putting the blame on someone else's face

talking about someone's weakness behind their back

acting as if you're the one who play everything correctly

blowing up others' mistakes as if you never commit even once!

dancing on else's tears

you know what? 

they forgive you

people whom you put the pain on, they forgive you.

they know that you just don't want anybody looks smarter, nicer, or even greater than you.

that's why they forgive you.

in fact, they put a pity on you.

are you proud of everything you have done?

if your answer is yes, then you don't have a heart.

are you not a human then?

older. (should be) wiser.

Yesterday was my 24th birthday. i had no celebration, no cake, no 'makan-makan'. it's  only me and myself. i still remember my last birthday when my ex-boss told me that i had to work till late at the office, my boyfriend was mad at me, and it rained hard. it definitely wasn't the best birthday. this year, i celebrate my birthday with a cup of coffee and cigarettes. having a silent birthday wasn't that bad though.

Walaupun saya jauh dari rumah, tapi untungnya sekarang teknologi sudah maju. jadi ucapan-ucapan dari teman dan keluarga cukup membuat ulang tahun saya jadi sedikit cerah. tahun-tahun kemaren papah selalu memberi ucapan lewat telepon, padahal ya tiap hari ketemu di rumah. papah bukan orang yang bisa mengekpresikan kasih sayang secara terang-terangan jadi beliau selalu menelpon saya ketika beliau sudah sampai di kantor dan ketika sudah sampai di rumah pun ya tidak pernah membahas bahwa hari itu adalah hari ulang tahun saya. tahun ini, papah memberi ucapan lewat facebook. ucapan dari papah cukup membuat saya terharu dan hampir menangis

kakak saya, glagah, juga biasanya hanya mengucapkan selamat sambil lalu, tapi ucapan dia kali ini sedikit berbeda. untuk pertama kalinya dia manggil saya dengan sebutan "adikku tersayang"

dan masih banyak ucapan yang lain. saya tau beberapa memang hanya basa-basi, tapi ya gak papa. doa yang baik-baik akan selalu didengar Tuhan kok :)
so happy birthday for myself. the path ahead may not be easy but i know that i'll make every single dream comes true.

older. (should be) wiser.

problems

everybody has problems.
are they hard?
heavy?
or easy?
light?
or you become numb that you cant feel anything anymore?

people said that problems show the strength of the person. the bigger the problem, the stronger the person.
you believe that?
i don't know.
it sounds make sense, sometimes.
it doesn't, sometimes.

remember the power of thought you told me once?
you said, we are what we think.
if you think that your problems are hard, then they are.
if you think that your problems are easy, then they are.
don't you see that they obey you?

you've been going on problems by problems for such a very long time.
i know
it's painful
you fall
you crawl
you stand up
you fight
you okay
but then you fall, again.
and again
and again
and again
i know
you're tired
of trying
of crying
of failing

it's okay to be not okay.

Homesick

dulu, waktu saya SMA, saya pernah tinggal jauh dari keluarga. saya di jogja dan keluarga saya di Salatiga. saya ga pernah homesick sekalipun. malahan, tiap ada jatah pulang sebulan sekali dari asrama, saya malah cari-cari alasan pokoknya gimana caranya supaya saya gak pulang. tetap di asrama. main sama temen-temen. keadaan itu cuma berlangsung selama 2 tahun karena setelah itu saya sakit dan harus balik dan pindah sekolah di salatiga. di salatiga pun, saya jarang banget dirumah. bisa dibilang saya cuma numpang mandi sama tidur aja dirumah.

dan sekarang saya kerja jauh dari rumah. jauh banget. 

and i found myself missing my family so goddamn much. 

i miss my parents and brothers. 

i miss the chaos at home. 

i miss the shouting-each-other because everyone didn't want to do the housekeeping. 

i miss the knocking at my door to wake me up.

i even miss my mom's anger.

and i found that i, actually, can't live far from them.

i feel like i lost my energy booster.

moving far away from home

so here i am.
in the semi-jungle city named Sangatta in east Kalimantan.
few months ago i, finally, finished my thesis and sent my application letter to a mine company. it turned out very well, they accepted me and flew me here.
it's been 5 months since i came here.
and now i'm counting down the days. my birthday, Christmas and New Year are coming, soon.
too bad. i'm gonna celebrate them all alone.