older. (should be) wiser.

Yesterday was my 24th birthday. i had no celebration, no cake, no 'makan-makan'. it's  only me and myself. i still remember my last birthday when my ex-boss told me that i had to work till late at the office, my boyfriend was mad at me, and it rained hard. it definitely wasn't the best birthday. this year, i celebrate my birthday with a cup of coffee and cigarettes. having a silent birthday wasn't that bad though.

Walaupun saya jauh dari rumah, tapi untungnya sekarang teknologi sudah maju. jadi ucapan-ucapan dari teman dan keluarga cukup membuat ulang tahun saya jadi sedikit cerah. tahun-tahun kemaren papah selalu memberi ucapan lewat telepon, padahal ya tiap hari ketemu di rumah. papah bukan orang yang bisa mengekpresikan kasih sayang secara terang-terangan jadi beliau selalu menelpon saya ketika beliau sudah sampai di kantor dan ketika sudah sampai di rumah pun ya tidak pernah membahas bahwa hari itu adalah hari ulang tahun saya. tahun ini, papah memberi ucapan lewat facebook. ucapan dari papah cukup membuat saya terharu dan hampir menangis

kakak saya, glagah, juga biasanya hanya mengucapkan selamat sambil lalu, tapi ucapan dia kali ini sedikit berbeda. untuk pertama kalinya dia manggil saya dengan sebutan "adikku tersayang"

dan masih banyak ucapan yang lain. saya tau beberapa memang hanya basa-basi, tapi ya gak papa. doa yang baik-baik akan selalu didengar Tuhan kok :)
so happy birthday for myself. the path ahead may not be easy but i know that i'll make every single dream comes true.

older. (should be) wiser.

problems

everybody has problems.
are they hard?
heavy?
or easy?
light?
or you become numb that you cant feel anything anymore?

people said that problems show the strength of the person. the bigger the problem, the stronger the person.
you believe that?
i don't know.
it sounds make sense, sometimes.
it doesn't, sometimes.

remember the power of thought you told me once?
you said, we are what we think.
if you think that your problems are hard, then they are.
if you think that your problems are easy, then they are.
don't you see that they obey you?

you've been going on problems by problems for such a very long time.
i know
it's painful
you fall
you crawl
you stand up
you fight
you okay
but then you fall, again.
and again
and again
and again
i know
you're tired
of trying
of crying
of failing

it's okay to be not okay.

Homesick

dulu, waktu saya SMA, saya pernah tinggal jauh dari keluarga. saya di jogja dan keluarga saya di Salatiga. saya ga pernah homesick sekalipun. malahan, tiap ada jatah pulang sebulan sekali dari asrama, saya malah cari-cari alasan pokoknya gimana caranya supaya saya gak pulang. tetap di asrama. main sama temen-temen. keadaan itu cuma berlangsung selama 2 tahun karena setelah itu saya sakit dan harus balik dan pindah sekolah di salatiga. di salatiga pun, saya jarang banget dirumah. bisa dibilang saya cuma numpang mandi sama tidur aja dirumah.

dan sekarang saya kerja jauh dari rumah. jauh banget. 

and i found myself missing my family so goddamn much. 

i miss my parents and brothers. 

i miss the chaos at home. 

i miss the shouting-each-other because everyone didn't want to do the housekeeping. 

i miss the knocking at my door to wake me up.

i even miss my mom's anger.

and i found that i, actually, can't live far from them.

i feel like i lost my energy booster.

moving far away from home

so here i am.
in the semi-jungle city named Sangatta in east Kalimantan.
few months ago i, finally, finished my thesis and sent my application letter to a mine company. it turned out very well, they accepted me and flew me here.
it's been 5 months since i came here.
and now i'm counting down the days. my birthday, Christmas and New Year are coming, soon.
too bad. i'm gonna celebrate them all alone.

dont give up your dream

Jika kamu punya mimpi, cita-cita dan keinginan, biarkan itu menggantung ... mengambang 5 centimeter di depan keningmu. Agar matamu selalu melihat mimpi itu dan kamu selalu membawanya kemana pun kamu pergi.

setelah itu yang kamu butuhkan hanya kaki yang melangkah lebih jauh dari biasanya, tangan yang bekerja lebih banyak dari biasanya, mata yang menatap lebih lama dari biasanya, leher yang mendongak lebih lama, tekad yang seribu kali lebih kuat dari baja, hati yang bekerja lebih keras dari biasanya dan mulut yang selalu berdoa.

Jangan menyerah. Kuncinya adalah keyakinan.

maka dari itu tidak ada yang tidak mungkin selama kita mau berusaha.

selamat meraih mimpi!

(Taken from: 5 cm)

*thanks to Astri for suggesting me 5cm.

when you're in love

When you’re in love you can do something that you never even think of.

When you’re in love you can do something more than what you think you can do.

You don’t care what your parents said (or warn?)

You don’t care your friends’ advice.

You don’t care about anything.

You only care about him / her.

Sorry to say, but this time your feeling is knocking down your logic.

if not now, then when?

live like you're only live for today, there's no tomorrow! do good now and dont delay it.

use your time wisely. make sure that you make people around you happy.

because we never know whether we're gonna still meet the person we love .

because we never know what's gonna happen to us tomorrow or even 1 minute from now.

dan karena kita tidak pernah tahu kapan harta dan nyawa akan diambil.